I am one of the many, many people who can’t seem to turn off the thoughts in my brain when it comes times to go to sleep. This means that more often than not, I am lying in the dark, flipping the pillow to the cool side and wishing I could just go to sleep already. I of course, have a much harder time when I am either stressed out or I have to get up much earlier than usual. Sometimes the thoughts are valid and sometimes they are so stupid that I cannot even believe that I am spending so much time thinking them. The other night instead of sleeping, I was lying awake at 3:30 am, thinking about what I think about when I am trying to fall asleep. I figured, why not share these things…then at least something came out of a few hours of lost sleep! So here are the top 10 things that keep me awake at night…
1. The big thing that I have to do tomorrow. This might be speaking on a panel, traveling or attending a formal event of some sort. This one is pretty justified, so I let myself thoughts run a little wild if this is the case. I’m not usually worrying, more thinking about what I have to do in preparation so once I’ve thought it out, I’ll fall asleep.
2. An upcoming launch of Manic Trout in some capacity…either the debut of a new season, working with someone new on a project or even coming out in a press outlet. Usually I’m excited, so it’s the anticipation energy overflow fueling these thoughts.
3. My looming to-do list. Duh, who doesn’t do this? Sometimes I grab my phone and get it all out in an email that I send to myself and will see in my inbox first thing…this is actually incredibly helpful and I should keep paper next to the bed just for this purpose and get it all before I attempt sleep every night.
4. The replaying over and over of an argument or uncomfortable situation with someone. Be it a dumb fight with Adam, knowing I have to end a work relationship or even a not nice blog comment, I will obsess over this stuff for hours.
5. Design problem solving. This is actually a really good thing. When I’m designing a collection, I will often have obstacles to overcome in the process, such as figuring out a material or what animals to use. More often than not, I solve the problem while working it over in my head lying in bed, it’s the only part of the day with no interruptions. As soon as come up with any type of solution, I usually fall immediately asleep as if my brain couldn’t shut down until the problem was closer to being solved.
6. Money. Oh the joys of being an entreprenuer. Every time I reach a goal, I immediately strive for the next level. There is always a higher level to go and each level gets more expensive to achieve. I love it, but it means I am always very conscious of money. When I’m not worrying about money, I know it’s time to strive higher.
7. Driving somewhere new. This one is so ridiculous these days with the existence of gps, I mean really, I just have to go where the voice tells me to (that sounds super creepy, btw) and requires little thought. But still, I toss and turn about the route I will take there…I’m getting really weird about this one as I get older.
8. Thinking that if I had not had coffee late, or I had worked out that day or all of the other factors that would make me more tired and sleeping at the moment.
9. Worry and fear about the health of myself, Adam, Faye, a family member or friend. These can get potent, I usually let myself run with it though, as when this happens its always because someone I care about deeply is not doing ok and I need to let my fears out to process them. Sometimes I will grab my phone and google stuff…this is usually helpful as knowledge is power and power squishes fear.
10. Whatever weird thing I have fixated on instead of sleeping. It’s too hot is a common one, or last week there was a sliver of light coming through the window, bouncing off a mirror and “blinding me” or the great one last night: a weird smell is in the house…which I know is the garbage that Adam did not take out…but perhaps it’s something worse…like when the roof was redone, there was a tiny hole and with all of the recent rain it leaked…and the leak caused some sort of super bad molding rotting situation in the crawlspace/attic…how do I get up there to check…do I call the landlord…or is this something that I can just do…and on and on and on.