When Adam and I first met, the immediate reaction I had was to his energy. As someone who has so much energy that I selected a business name with “Manic” in it, that’s a big deal. What we soon realized though was that our energies were very different, but that’s ok, we’re still more in sync with each other than we’ve been with people before, so we work with that. But sometimes it’s a bit trickier.
My energy is slow burning and long. Think marathon running. As much as you’d assume with the manic in the business name and all, that I have a crazed spiking energy, I don’t at all, but I also don’t crash. As long as I get enough sleep, I can work 16+ hour days for weeks and just go go go. Adam is more of a sprinter. We joke that he has the same energy make up as our rat terriers, he goes really hard, and then has to nap. The harder he goes, the more napping. Sometimes if he has been skate boarding, working and socializing for too many days in a row without down time, he can stay on the couch for days. Quietly watching movies, playing games and sleeping. Constant quiet time is his reset and really essential to his mental health. So quiet evenings are something I encourage he do often so he doesn’t get to the shut down phase of days and days of it.
You can therefore imagine that a typical evening if he worked days (being in hospitality, Adam’s schedule is all over the place, but recently has had him home most days by 6pm), would have him lying on the couch ready for a movie by 8pm or so. I on the other hand, am just getting home from kickboxing, starving and wanting nothing more than to grab a quick shower, eat and most nights head back into the studio. I do jewelry production at night and try to schedule these for when Adam closes or has plans, but even on non production nights, I enjoy being in there working after 8pm if I can. A couple of night week though, we want to actually hang out together. This is where our energy levels are the most conflicted.
Last year I decided that besides being on for background noise at night in the studio, I am over tv. I despise sitting on the couch in a dark room with a movie or show on. There are so many things I want to accomplish in my life and none of them will get done in front of the tv. So I refuse to watch it and if Adam wants to watch a movie, I go work in my studio. So the nights he wants to hang out with me, he thinks that sitting in the living room together watching a movie is ideal. He gets to lie on the couch, and I’m near him.
I do not at all want to do this though and argue that silently sitting on different couches is not really spending time together. But then we’re left figuring out what to do instead. We don’t have much time to spend together each day, so I like to do things where we get to talk to one another. With how my energy works, if I’m not working, I’d prefer to be out doing and/or seeing things. But Adam goes into sprint mode during the day and rarely wants to do anything out and about after 7pm. To compromise, I’ll usually read in the living room, while Adam plays video games or with his phone. But sometimes we both want an activity besides going out to dinner where we can talk and have fun.
Last night we once again were faced with this dilemma at 8 or 9 pm. It was the end of the day, we had about 2 hours left in us before we were ready to wind down, and Adam was actually raring to go. What are we supposed to do together during these hours? I thought about going to the trampoline park, but due to Adam and the way his energy works, if he gets would up that late, he has trouble sleeping, so I don’t think that is the solution. We ended up playing Scrabble, but need more options as there is only much scrabble I’m willing to play.
In the summer we go swimming or walk the dogs, but even these need to be done before 8 as they are more enjoyed by light. I keep racking my brain for things that do not involve food, alcohol, spending too much money and can be done between 8pm and 10pm. I’m pretty sure that most of my friends who have little kids are in the middle of the night time routine, but I’d love to hear the things you all do!